Tuesday, May 3rd

Writing a blog is a ton more difficult than I thought. Kodin has spells where he would rather watch Netflix on the computer with headphones than watch it on tv. The computer gives him more options and its much easier to search, whereas the tv via Wii doesn't load or search well. It seems I have a ton of things to do during the week while he is in school, then have to chace him around an be ready to do whatever he needs, then it's bedtime. i intend to get to the point where we make it to Wisconsin from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii.
So, I left last time with Kodin not going to school and living with grandma. We lived there at Kodin's worst. He was not sleeping, neither was I. There was no school, and the Department of Health which is supposed to provide outside help, and although they had hired people to work with him (even resorting to importing people off island), everyone was refusing. One lady had to go to the hospital after injuring her back as she tried to get Kodin off of his bed.
Kodin was crazy overactive, had bm's and other human elimination accidents frequently. My friend next door told me the public pool in the area was heated and mostly vacant and I should try it. That afternoon we did. At that time Kod liked the comfort of the water to have large bm's (bowel movements for those that don't know). Well we went and we distroyed. The next day my neighbor said she brought her kids to the pool and she was sooo sorry because it seemed to be closed for some reason. I had to tell her it was us actually. The pool didn't open for a long while.
I tried to take Kodin to the beach, but can't tell until I walked him down there if it was a flat (no waves) day. Once you get Kodin to a place he is excited to go to, he flips when you try and take him away. When he did have a good day, he had a lifejacket on (or when he was younger yet a innertube I shoved onto him solid around his tummy so he could float around), and I had to float for hours out in the water with him. No matter how many hours we stayed he never wanted to leave. It was an embarracing struggle trying to get him out of the water and grab our things, and drag him away, literally kicking (my ass), and yelling, and hitting. The beach became too much for me by myself.
I couldnt take Kod to parks with smaller children. He doesn't understand his monster strength, and there was no amount of calm and safety in his life. I couldn't take him to the store because everything toppled to the ground around us. He couldn't be in my mom's house cause he was too dangerous. We had no where to go, and his violence towards my deliriously sleepy self was out of hand. The few time I got to leave the house before he got so bad I couldn't take him out, I had to have a gang of people and give him dessert tomake him sit. Not sitting involves getting under the table and not getting out. One person in particular called me a bad mother because i would be having a beer and he would be eatting ice cream. I am just going to say..lucky I had that very delicious beer and a social moment, cause Waikoloa was getting lonely and I was losing it. If someone felt brave enough to come over, there was usually a huge bm, that took me and my mom a ton of equipment and one to take him to the shower. Point is things are not good at this point.
On new Years eve of 2004-2005, my sister spent the night and i got to have my family around, and we got to have some wine. Kodin was trying to learn to call me if he needed help in the bathroom. I lived in the loft above his bed so i could see him,and get up and jump down if he tried to vacate. This night he went to the bathroom and I heard him fooling around, but he didnt call me to help clean up. In minutes he was screaming. He doesn't cry unless he injures himself unexpectantly. I jumped down the stairs to see blood all over the floor. Kodin was cut open across both butt cheeks and was clawing as himself. When Kodin get hurt, he claws and rips at his problem..it's friggin disgusting. He had his hands grabbing fat from his wound...a very large sick wound. I was panicking but got my sister and mom to call 911. The porcelain that covers the back of the toilet seat was shattered on the ground, the shards were cutting my feet, and I saw little slashed all over him. He must have been trying to play in the water, because he had gotten some of that stuff on the floor as well. He was very discreet because this all happened right below my bed. Trying to keep Kodin's hand away and in the ambulance to the hospital was horrifying, scary, heart wrenching. Getting him to keep iv's in his arms and not rip out everything applied to him was crazy. Kodin to this day has a massive scar that spans 5 and a half inches across both cheaks and it was 2 and a half inches deep. If he had cut himself anywhere else on his body, or was any less heavy (he was maxed out at 155 at age 9)..he would have bleed to death, cutting some major artery somewhere.
At this time in my life, I refused to leave the hospital. I had been researching places for us to go since he was five. Places where he might get the help I nor anyone else could provide. Let me just say, the people at the hospital hated me. They had no idea what to do for the child, and wanted us out. For weeks I stayed in his tiny hospital bed slammed up against the rail, or on the super not good chair provided. When someone would come to relieve me for a sec, like mom,or a friend, I was desperatly looking over paperwork I had collected, my friend Reya provided, and called every state in the US trying to find a place for us. This never worked in the past, so I didn't have high expectations, but I didn't want my son dying on my watch, because I wasn't sleeping and may miss a sound or movement if I actually did fall asleep. Kodin has wandered away too many times, one trip to the bathroom for me and he was gone. This arrival at the hospital forced many people to get involved. Social workers, administrators at the hospital, DOE, DOH, everyone in the state was all of a sudden forced to get together and get the child out of the hospital. ...and I must sign off for now